Contending with my emotions.

I'm thinking a bit about Eleanor Roosevelt right now. Her classic quote, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" first flitted across my consciousness. In the aftermath of a fight with a friend or loved one, I'm always left feeling terrible about myself. How could they say that? think that about me? want that from me? It's good to be reminded that I am, somehow, ultimately involved in the causation of this deep sadness.

Eleanor helps me furthermore with the following: "You gain strength, experience and confidence by every experience where you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you cannot do." What is it that I cannot do now? Be happy, is the knee jerk reaction. Perhaps that's the thing I'm most afraid of? I can't remember many times I've been happy without withstanding some sort of extreme emotional tension/strain.

The final thought from Eleanor for the day is the most cliched inspiring one: "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." In my sleep, I don't dream. In waking life, I often push my dreams aside as frivolous and unimportant. How do I start listening to myself?

Tonight I'll try, for a few hours, to follow the routine of the person I dream to be. I wonder what she's like.

Knowing when to follow my instincts and when to resist

Untangling the neurotic threads of thoughts nesting in my mind takes some effort. While I thought the major project I wanted to tackle today was catching up with weeks of delayed correspondence, it turns out that investigating and creating a daily health routine is taking more precedence. Instead of fighting that, I'm going to try to embrace it and incorporate it into my vision of the day. Instant guilt-reliever!

A saved browser history of my life

I want to start writing the blog I've always wanted to have. In it, I'll explore what my voice really sounds like on the internet, talk more about puppets, politics, home decorating, art, managing mental illness and whatever other themes that continue to course their way through my head. I am beginning it with some documentation. I want to do this. And I will begin first by uncluttering and organizing my physical space. Because I know this will help with my head-space. Goodbye for now, internet.